MusichopperThe Official Blog of Pro Guitarist Allen ROBOT Van Wert

There is a recent uprising or notice of overweight drummers with extreme talent. Some say they have an advantage because they use their wrists instead of their arms to play. I am wondering if people have issues with overweight musicians as a whole but in this post, specifically drummers. They are usually hidden behind a kit at the back of the stage and I have a feeling that most audience members barely notice them. Have you ever had an issue because your drummer was too fat? I had a friend drum for a band and the members were very put off by his physical appearance. No matter what was being played, they always reverted back to the primary issue in their minds… band photos. How can you take an unappealing band member and really make it work for your band photo?

I came up with a few methods that may work:
1. You play off the idea of the fat band member like Bowling for Soup does. Really show it off… perhaps have the member being thrown peanuts from the rest of the band members from behind a fence. To me this seems a little nasty to do to someone, even willing. I would go the route of playing off them as if they are very sexy and have a bunch of strippers putting money in THEIR undies while they are dancing on a stage with a pole or something.

2. You can hide them. In most band photos you will see either the singer up front or in a line with other members. More commonly, you will see the fat band member way in the back hidden so only their face shows. This is a very popular technique. If your singer happens to be the fat band member, this will not make much sense though.

3. Photoshop them to death. I once had a drummer with very large ears. I would have to go in and Photoshop his ears off because of the singer of the band getting so upset about the photos every time. You can easily make someone a little thinner in photoshop. Notice I said “a little”. If you go overboard, it will be wacked out looking and people will notice.

4. Visual trickery. This would be using circus mirrors to warp the dimensions of band members to a whole new and non human appearance. Same goes for a fish eye lens.

5. Use other humans in your band photo. This seems like a very bad idea because people going to the show will be very confused about what happened to those models they saw in the photo.

6. Don’t have humans in your band photo at all. You can simply use other sorts of visuals with the band logo. Or even cartoon versions of your members instead of real photos.

7. Use only one or a few members in the photo and make sure to remove the far and/or ugly members. This ensures some hard feelings but also ensures that you look better and more marketable.

I feel that the best bet is to try and get the best looking band members you can and have them work their image in a certain way. You usually shouldn’t look like an audience member. The problem is that regular people are dressing like band members exceedingly often. This puts you at a point where you really need something special to stand out. Perhaps a cape… a giant hat…talent.

Practice your instruments, vocals and even dance moves. The audience needs to be entertained. They will be more interested in a stage show than talent. But they know if the talent is lacking, especially when you stand there like a robot… not me.. I mean an actual robot being all weird and afraid. Even if you stand still, there is still emotion in your presence that you can use to sell the show. Eyes… face etc.

But I need to know what people think… Would you rather a Fat band member with a lot of talent? Or a great looking one with minimal talent?